"I don’t even know myself at all, I thought I would be happy by now." – Paramore

I somehow managed to destroy any good aspects of my life that I had left over the course of a year.
"̶W̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶s̶;̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶d̶m̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶.̶"̶
So I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I wasted a year of school for something and it's all gone, like it never happened. I just wish I could forget everything. I have to spend all summer taking classes to remake for this year, just more reminders. I don't understand why people try so hard for things when it doesn't matter in the end. We're all going to die anyways.

The people who truly care about you wouldn't think you're lying or playing games when threatening your own life. You know someone actually loves you, and cares about you when they put aside their problems to make sure you don't try anything again.
I don't know much about alcohol but I know I like the way vodka feels more than whatever wine this is.
I'm going to raise my coffee mug and make a toast because Emma, cats, and Twilight exist, and because I was able to experience a break down that included mirror breaking, wall banging, and many tears without drinking bleach. Unfortunately I can't say the same for the pills, but nothing's in my system that doesn't belong there right now so mazel tov.

this one is terrible.

Mwahahahaha I got you pregnant.

My darling Dimitri,
Before I start, I'd like to apologize for not telling you in person. I'm not good with words, and I didn't know how to explain it then.
I'm in New York right now, and please don't take this the wrong way. I love you, I really do, and I'm not leaving you.
My sister's going through something unexplainable right now, and I wanted to be there for her. I thought now would be the best time to visit her and my family since I've already given birth.
I'll be back soon, I promise, maybe in a week or two. Don't miss me too much.
Love,
Noa
 

@waifish